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Another long day at work. The young woman sighed as she pulled over, parking her car along the busy street. [Name] had been overworked so badly for the past few days she hadn't had even had time to plan dinner for this week. Stomach growling, she did the one thing she swore she would never do: she drove up to the nearest fast food restaurant she could find. Normally she'd never eat at any of those places- she'd heard so many stories of poor quality food that she'd vowed never to eat there again. However, that was before she had to work nearly 10 hours straight with only a 10 minute lunch break. Those measly 10 minutes provided barely enough time to walk to the cafeteria then back to her office. Naturally, she hadn't had a bite to eat since an early morning granola bar.

"Seriously, there should be some sort of law against working this hard." [Name] grumbled, much like her stomach.

I need some food now!

Agitated, [Name] parked and stepped out of her car, walking into the dreaded place. She looked around; it was mildly packed, a few people here and there. There was no line to order, so she sighed and stepped up.

"Hey there! May I take your order?"

[Name] looked up at the employee, her hard eyes softening and her semi-permanent frown fading from her face. He appeared to be around her age, and with his bright cerulean eyes and messy, dirty blond hair, [Name] had to admit: this guy was cute. He was basically the definition of an American hunk. He had a big grin etched on his face, something you normally don't see on your average fast food worker. Or your average worker period.

"I'll have a salad, a small fry, and a small soft drink, please." She told him, flashing him a ghost of a smile.

'A salad?' He thought incredulously, shaking his head. Who orders a salad at a fast food restaurant? He had almost forgotten that they even served freaking leaves. It didn't really matter, he supposed; this girl was beautiful!

She paid for her food, and waited in line until he locked eyes with her once more. "Go sit down. I'll give ya your food when it's done~" He winked at her, then went on to help the next customer.

[Name] was stunned. Maybe these places weren't as bad as she'd thought? She went to sit down at a little booth made for two, checking her phone for messages while waiting patiently.

She didn't have to wait long. A moment later, the cute employee came back, holding a small tray with her order.

"If you were a burger at McDonald's, you'd be the McGorgeous!" He chirped as he set down the food in front of [Name]. She smiled a little, that was cute. Incredibly lame, but when he said it, it was cute. He looked away, then stared at the seat across from her. He was practically begging to sit there.

[Name] couldn't help it. It wasn't every day a cute guy started hitting on her.

"Hey, if you've got some time, maybe...would you like to chat for a bit?"

"Sure!" He smiled at her, making himself comfortable in the soft booth. The young man closed his eyes for a second, as though trying to remember something, then clearing his throat.

"Is your name 'swiffer'? Because you just swept me off my feet!"

[Name] couldn't help herself- she groaned aloud. The first line had been kinda cute, but this one was just lame. Was he unable to have a normal conversation? She studied him, her eyes scanning over him. Had she misjudged the handsome employee?

To put it simply, he began to panic. [Name] could see sweat appearing on his forehead and upper lip, and he began to spit out lines faster than a rapper, each one worse than the one before.

"If stars would fall every time I thought of you, the sky would soon be empty."

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put "U" and "I" together."

"What time do you have to be back in heaven?"


[Name] got up, looking at the server sadly. It appeared he had never talked to a woman before in his life, or he was just plain stupid. Or maybe both.

"I'm sorry, I've got to go-"

"W-Wait! U-Uhm If you were a drink size, you'd be an extra large!"

Wait.

Hold it.

Stop the show.

What.

The.

Hell.

What the hell does that mean? Extra large?


[Name] looked down at her body. She was a little curvy, but not overweight or anything. Sure, she had been working so hard lately she hadn't had time to hit the gym, but she thought she still looked pretty good. Obviously he wasn't calling her fat. Unless he really was a jerk. She looked at her chest....Was he really talking about her like that?!

"You pervert!" [Name] yelled, slapping him across the face. Her food long forgotten, she stormed out, got into her car, slammed the door, and drove away.

He looked at the doorway, holding his now-red cheek. "I was talking about the size of your heart." He muttered.

Maybe next time.
Happy almost-Valentine's Day everyone! This was originally part of a series / contest entries I did on Quizilla (so nothing was stolen from anyone) It was all about using pickup lines, hence the reason they're in bold / italics

Alternate Title: You done goofed, Alfred [ Awkward!America x Reader ] I'm only joking

Anyways, be prepared for more countries and more pickup lines- Some will succeed in winning the girl, while others will fail miserably

Story (c) :iconeverybodyswishes:

Picture (c) :iconlesfrites:

Hetalia (c) :iconhimaruyaplz:

You (c) :iconamericasulkplz:


More in the series!

England: [link]
France: [link]
Russia: [link]
China: [link]
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbunnygoblin:
Bunnygoblin Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2015
Awww
Reply
:iconhowyoudoinxd:
HowYouDoinXD Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2015  New member Hobbyist General Artist
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA poor alfie...
Reply
:iconninjamonkey66:
ninjamonkey66 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2015
aawwwww dont worry alfie i loved your pick up linesNeko Emoji-16 (Blush) [V1] Blush




GO 'MERICAAmerica (The Hero) [V2] 
Reply
:icononehellofabutler4321:
onehellofabutler4321 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Poor Alfie
Reply
:icondownshiftplus:
DownShiftPlus Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Meh. He ain't any better than me...
Matthew: True that.
Reply
:iconbrightpaw8:
brightpaw8 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014
Aw poor Alfred D: *chuckling*
Reply
:iconcreepyanimefreak02:
CreepyAnimeFreak02 Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
So, technically, Im the pervert for thinking he meant it like that?
Reply
:iconnikolaivaughn:
NikolaiVaughn Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh yeah kinda
Reply
:iconcreepyanimefreak02:
CreepyAnimeFreak02 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
lol
Reply
:iconnikolaivaughn:
NikolaiVaughn Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It's true 😔
Reply
:iconragexthexfurious:
ragexthexfurious Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
*High-pitched voice* YOU PERVERT!
Reply
:iconilikecupcakez123:
ILikeCupcakez123 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014
I couldn't help but think of comebacks for every single one of those... XD
Reply
:iconkrosethomas:
krosethomas Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014   Writer
Alfie... Didn't Gil warn you about that one? Because.. I'm fairly certain Prussia had a lot to say about some of your 'unawesome' lines...

This was so cute though. 
Reply
:iconcreepyanimefreak02:
CreepyAnimeFreak02 Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Didn't Gil warn him period?
Reply
:iconkittykatoho:
kittykatOhO Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2014
Oh poor America !!!
Reply
:iconprussiadesu:
PrussiaDesu Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I would've been like, "is your face from mcdonalds cause I'm loving it?"

Or if we were at subway (and the reader as a guy), I could've been all, "you dont need 5 dollars for this 5 meter footlong"

Lol wait wut
Reply
:iconnikolaivaughn:
NikolaiVaughn Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
XD BEST PICK UP LINES EVER XD
Reply
:iconprussiadesu:
PrussiaDesu Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
There's always the one I say to Italians!

"Hey are you pasta cause I want you to meat these balls"
Reply
:iconbrightpaw8:
brightpaw8 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014
omfg LMFAO!
Reply
:iconprussiadesu:
PrussiaDesu Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It works for me all the time c:
Reply
:iconnikolaivaughn:
NikolaiVaughn Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
XD I have to use that one day XD
Reply
:iconprussiadesu:
PrussiaDesu Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Have fun, xD
Reply
:iconnikolaivaughn:
NikolaiVaughn Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks!
Reply
:iconprussiadesu:
PrussiaDesu Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome
Reply
:iconnikolaivaughn:
NikolaiVaughn Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Touché
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconsilenced-nocturne:
Silenced-Nocturne Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
That... Was Awesome. 
Reply
:iconprussiadesu:
PrussiaDesu Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
XD
Reply
:iconenglandlover279:
englandlover279 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2014  Student General Artist
america sorry i'm with russia hee hee
Reply
:iconmirachan145:
MiraChan145 Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014
Haha now, see, I would've been laughing like an idiot and just having a blast. I love cheesy pickup lines. I probably would've been throwing my own back at him.
Reply
:iconnovadragonheart81:
novadragonheart81 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2014
You had one job, America.
:iconfuckyoubyeplz:
Reply
:iconragexthexfurious:
ragexthexfurious Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I love that gif I'm This Unexcited << I like this one too
Reply
:iconnovadragonheart81:
novadragonheart81 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014
I haven't seen that gif before, but I like it too!
Reply
:iconragexthexfurious:
ragexthexfurious Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
XD I'm just like "... America... YOU DIRTY LITTLE PERV!!!" I'm This Unexcited "HOW EFFING DARE YOU?!!! AND EXCUSE ME SIR, YOU'D BE THE MCGORGEOUS, SO THERE!"
Reply
:iconnovadragonheart81:
novadragonheart81 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014
:iconiggybrowsplz:McGorgeous?! XD
Reply
:iconragexthexfurious:
ragexthexfurious Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh yes... and Iggy and America on the side... >:3
Reply
:iconnovadragonheart81:
novadragonheart81 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014
:iconrussiahappydanceplz:And they became one with Russia...LITERALLY, AS HE ATE THEM. 0_0
Reply
:iconragexthexfurious:
ragexthexfurious Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
HEY! THAT WAS MY FOOD! THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BECOME ONE WITH ME!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icongeekgurl234:
GeekGurl234 Featured By Owner May 17, 2014
Mah milkshake brings all the countries to the yard~
*start singing annoyingly*
Reply
:iconnikokarma:
NikoKarma Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
What. Just. Happened. Even...
What the maple loving vada covered pasta vurst burger!?
He dident, I dident... you know he.would have tried something like that but I would be covering his mouth by the seckond on like- hush now my fellow american blonde, don't inspire them to make jokes about us.
Reply
:iconblairluvsdinos:
blairluvsdinos Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014
I thought of this pi up line while Reading:

Hey Baby, are you a smoke alarm?

Because you are loud and annoying.


(Best pick up line Ever )excited 
Reply
:iconnikokarma:
NikoKarma Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
What...
Okay...
That's awsome~
Reply
:iconblairluvsdinos:
blairluvsdinos Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014
XD
Reply
:iconhunterartemis99:
hunterartemis99 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
OMG! I was trying so hard not to laugh especially since its past the normal time I sleep.
Reply
:iconkomeko-chan:
Komeko-chan Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Hobbyist Writer

The first line I was just like "awww" and then they kept going... and going...  and then... the last one... Taemin (shinee) 
Did he just call me fat? the hell? 

Oh, just my boobs? Hahahaha... wait... WOE NOW. WOE. NOW.

Oooohmygosh. I totally would have stormed out. But then that last line, "I was talking about the size of your heart." *cue apparently large heart shattering* He really needs to learn how to communicate with girls a little better Fool Emoji-37 (Waving and Crying) [V3] 
Reply
:iconbloodwolfxx:
Bloodwolfxx Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2014
oh god america! just...noSweating a little... Embarrassed blush 
Reply
:iconandromedatheroma:
AndromedaTheRoma Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
"Hey there, baby. I noticed you have a bra on. Maybe I could put my face in there?" "if I speak parseltongue, can I get in your chamber of secrets?" 
And my most favorite "GET IN THE VAN!" :iconmegustaplz:
Reply
:iconbethanythelion:
Bethanythelion Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2014  Student General Artist
.... if anyone is a extra large it is russia
Reply
:iconanastasia-frost:
Anastasia-Frost Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2013
BITCH SLAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconhetalialover696969:
HetaliaLover696969 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2013
ALFRED FOSTER JONES, THAT IS NOT HOW YOU GET THE LADIES.
Reply
:iconcelestine-nova:
Celestine-Nova Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2013  Student Artist
*Reading the first pick-up line* Hehe, aw. Cute.
*Reads the last pick-up line* ..... :icondeathstareplz:
Reply
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